60. How to Handle Workplace Conflict: Tips from an HR Expert - with Jessica Alvarez
Episode 60
Workplace conflict is just part of the job. It exists in every industry and at every level.
That's because relationships with colleagues are just like any relationship: they require communication, compromise and compassion.
In this interview with international HR expert Jessica Alvarez (think JetBlue and HubSpot!), we have a strategy-packed conversation about how to handle workplace conflict productively and effectively -- while using it as an opportunity for growth.
New professionals and long-time professionals: this is for you.
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The following transcript was autogenerated and may contain some interesting and silly errors. But in the name of efficiency and productivity, I am choosing not to spend my time fixing them 😉
60 How to Handle Workplace Conflict===
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the Learn and Work Smarter Podcast. This is episode 60 and I am so excited for today's show. Today I am bringing you a conversation with Jessica Alvarez. Jessica has a 22 year history in the customer service industry, with 11 years in human resources at companies that span the airline industry, like JetBlue, software companies like
the international software giant HubSpot. She has experience and insights today that I think are going to be valuable for listeners who are in college and about to enter the workforce, as well as veteran professionals who've been working for some time. Today, Jessica and I talk about. workplace conflict.
Jessica makes the point that conflict is inevitable. Despite the questions that I ask her about how to avoid it in the first place, she says it is inevitable. And, and I do have to agree. And she shares some strategies for what employees can [00:01:00] do by themselves and then in conjunction with their human resource department if it gets to that point, to resolve conflict in a way that it can become a learning experience and an opportunity for growth.
Today's show is going to be a little bit longer than usual, but that's because our conversation was so rich, full of strategies, full of tips, full of insights, full of examples and scenarios that you may find yourself in, or have found yourself in, in the past.
And I just can't wait for you to listen to the conversation. As a reminder, the transcript to this episode is at learnandworksmarter.com/podcast/60 if you are listening to this while you are driving and don't have a chance to write notes. And with that, here is my conversation with Jessica Alvarez.
Katie Azevedo: [00:02:00] Well, hello, Jessica. Thank you so much for being here. I have been looking forward to having you on the show for so long because I feel like you're going to have so many valuable little nuggets today for my audience.
And I think this is going to be a great show. So thank you for being here.
Jessica Alvarez: Thank you, Katie. I'm very excited about this. I'm really happy to be here to talk about something that is so inevitable, in any environment, so I'm very excited for this podcast today.
Katie Azevedo: So I know that you're familiar with the show and on the show, we talk a lot about what I would call hard skills. So organization and procrastination and focus and time management and task management, and these are all skills that people need to have a smooth and high operating experience in the workplace.
But [00:03:00] today we're going to talk about a different kind of skill, a different kind of more, I don't know if the word is soft skill, but it's basically navigating relationships in the workforce. I mean, if you think about it, our relationships with our colleagues are relationships, right?
Just like our relationships with our friends and our significant others. And so there is a level of emotional intelligence and strategy that's involved, I would imagine,
so today we're going to talk about some strategies and some insights and best practices that employees can use to navigate those complicated relationships that, as you said, are inevitable in the workforce. So let me start with our first question. What are some of those common conflicts that you see in, you know, as being in HR?
What do you see on a daily basis?
Jessica Alvarez: So, like I said, right conflict is going to occur. Whether we try to avoid it or not it's going to happen. [00:04:00] And, and like you said, it's very important that we learn how to use conflict, uh, and we transform it into this tool for growth and connection. So I think that the most common examples that I've seen is personality clashes, also background is, is important, and I, I don't mean only, um, race or nationality, it could be age as well, or gender. There's definitely communication breakdowns and I've seen also workload issues when it comes to when there's a perception that the workload is unevenly distributed. And I like to stress that word that I just said, which is perception. Because perception versus intention is very different. Many times when I've had to review situations at work, there's, there's always a perception that [00:05:00] something happened.
And then when you looked into the situation further, you realize that the other person may have not even realized how the other person felt. And that's not their intention. So, perception is key. Doesn't mean that when there's a perception, that's the reality. Um, so, but we, we can talk about that a little bit further.
Katie Azevedo: No, that's a, that's a great point. So that actually leads me to another question, which is I'm sure that if somebody is bringing a conflict to you, if it got to the point where, you know, it has reached an HR level crisis, right, that there has probably been some conflict and tension and misperceptions in incubation leading up to the moment when it was determined it needed to make it into HR. So a worker might be feeling or noticing in their relationship with their colleague, where they're starting to get this sense of like, okay, Things are a little off here.
I'm starting to get resentment. I'm starting to get a [00:06:00] little bit this sense of this isn't fair or communication seems a little bit off, what are some strategies that somebody can use early on in what seems to be a developing conflict before it comes to you?
Jessica Alvarez: Absolutely. Well, and you just mentioned what I will suggest first: just address it early as soon as as soon as you feel that tension, as soon as you feel something is just not clicking. Don't avoid it because that is the problem. That's why it's like a snowball and something happens, and then two weeks later, something else happens. And then it just keeps building up and then they let it go for months, even years, and that's when they come to HR and they say, "HR fix this for me."
When truly they have the power to fix it because we don't work [00:07:00] with that other person, closely or on a daily basis. So yes, my advice to employees when they come to me, I always ask, Is the other person aware of how you feel? Have you talked to them? Um, and I, I just start to ask questions. And in my role, we try to give them tools so they address the conflict themselves first.
And when I say tools, um, to give you an example, I would say, what is the disagreement about? Is it a project? What is it about? And if it's something about, I cannot work with this person, then why you can't work with this person? And, I actually have this document that we use as a template that is called work with me where you pretty much both parties sit down and they say this is me.
This is who am I this is these are my hobbies And this is how I work best. This is how I communicate. There's people that communicate better over phone [00:08:00] calls, or emails or instant messaging. So getting to know that person not only at a work level, but a person at a personal level, it really helps a lot.
As I'm talking, I remember a story, or an example of one of my colleagues in one of the companies that I work for, where he felt a little bit of resentment from some of the managers that we supported. And he said, I just dragged myself going to the meetings with them.
I don't know how to help them. And my suggestion at the time was to talk to those managers that he felt were not connecting with him and just invite them for coffee. Just say, hey, are you a Starbucks or a Dunkin Donuts person? Let's go have some coffee. And sit down with them and just get to know them first.
And once you get to know them and maybe understand where they come from will help you tailor your approach towards them because I mean I compare it to my [00:09:00] kids. I can't talk to my old oldest kid the same way I talked to my youngest kid completely two different people So that was my suggestion and I think that's something that employees can do early on when conflict arise.
Katie Azevedo: No, that's a great point.
So I'm curious about that work with me document. Is that something that you would give to employees as they join a company and or as they just start, you know, just join a team and start working with maybe a new group of people? Or is it after there's already been a conflict that's been presented to you and then you say, okay, well, let's go back to the drawing board.
Let's, you know, figure out who each other is at their core. Like what, at what point does that document become a useful tool?
Jessica Alvarez: That document, we usually share it when there is a new manager. This is an example of a manager and an employee. And, they're supposed to use it as soon as they join the team as a manager.
So I'm your new manager. This is how I work. Tell me how you work. [00:10:00] In terms of employees, what we normally ask them is to maybe create a quick PowerPoint presentation with some photos of them. Like, this is me and, just to make it fun, to introduce themselves with, with a new team. That's something that we usually recommend.
Katie Azevedo: So is the goal there then to, this is what I'm hearing you say, to, to really develop a sense of who your colleagues are as a person, so that that generates an environment of empathy so that you can say, okay, I didn't like this person's approach to the presentation. I didn't like the way that they spoke to me in this meeting.
But I can put that aside because I know who they are. I've had coffee with them, I know their kids names, and I value this person as a, as a human, so I can sort of, like, not fight every battle, right, that, that I feel like I could fight. Is that sort of the idea? To develop empathy and compassion?
Exactly.
Right? Is that, is, okay, okay. Yeah, well, I think
Jessica Alvarez: In my opinion, what I've seen in my [00:11:00] 11 years in HR is that once you get to know people at a personal level, the rest is so much easier. Something that, I mean, in my own experience, when I first, I mean, I moved to the U. S. from Mexico couple years ago, and the, the, the Jess that you see now, and the Jess from Mexico was completely different.
The way I communicate with my friends in Mexico compared to my friends in the U. S. is completely different. When, when I started working in the U. S., I would often get feedback. It was the first time I, I, I heard this and said, sometimes you're a little bit passive aggressive. And in my mind, I said, those words don't go together.
How can someone be passive aggressive? And when they explained it, I said, oh, okay. But as you can see, look at me. I'm talking with my hands a lot. It is, it could be a cultural thing. But I've also adapted. I, I've taken the feedback and, and I've thought to myself, [00:12:00] how can I not come off as passive aggressive so much and with years that obviously had toned out a little bit.
Um, but yeah.
Katie Azevedo: I love that, I love that story because I'm thinking that you know, to someone listening who maybe is having a workplace conflict with a colleague, and maybe there is a difference in communication style, either due to cultural differences or language, or as you said earlier, maybe just like gender or whatever we're bringing to the table that makes us uniquely human, if someone provides us feedback and says, Hey, maybe your approach, I, I communicate this way. I'm perceiving your tone as passive aggressive. The person who's getting that feedback, it sounds to me like there's a really great opportunity for growth in that moment. And as you said, you didn't know you were being passive aggressive.
It wasn't a, it was just a cultural sort of, the way that you had developed language and tone over the years. And I would think that You know, actually, let [00:13:00] me share a story too. I, um, I'm trying to think, this was a question that a listener had submitted, I think a few months ago to the show.
It was either to the podcast or inside my course. I can't remember. I think it was in the podcast. And a woman had written in saying that she was on the older side of people that she worked with and her company was hiring all these younger people. And she was perceiving that she was kind of being ousted. It wasn't that there wasn't like ageism going on, but she felt, as you said, she perceived that, you know, everyone was going faster than her, that the bosses were asking, the younger people with the quicker tech skills and the more rapid fire comfortability with technology, that it made her resent the younger workers.
And that right there, I would think could be the start of a workplace conflict, where it's not the younger worker's fault, it's not the older worker's fault, [00:14:00] but there is this age gap, this difference in communication, this difference in tone, this difference in style, that can, as you said, snowball into something that could be a greater conflict, real or perceived, right?
So, I'm thinking, if there is an employee. And let's just say that they're the same age. Let's say that they are the same gender. They're the same, um, from the same culture, from the same area. So we're going to remove all of those kinds of barriers. Okay. And I'm the employee and I'm getting the sense from my colleague that there is
maybe some passive aggression. Maybe there's rumors. Maybe I, you know, when I'm working and really focused, they're always coming by with little snide remarks. Or maybe it's not even malicious. Maybe I'm working and they never respect my boundaries and my focus and my [00:15:00] I'm locked in. Can't you see?
They're not reading the room, right? And they're constantly interrupting our focus. I don't know. What are my strategies? What are my strategies that I can use to diffuse the situation before it becomes something else? I know you would say, maybe invite them to coffee. Um, if I were to have a conversation, if I were to initiate a conversation with this colleague, what would that look like?
Is that me saying, hey, we have an issue, or is that, hey, I want to get to know you, or hey, can I tell you something that's been bothering me? How do I start that conversation?
Jessica Alvarez: Absolutely. So I'll say the conversation is to start early. And I always say you have to get uncomfortable. The problem is that people don't like to get uncomfortable.
And I understand, I understand that. I, I I know that I love conflict, but I love getting involved in situations like that. And for me, it's naturally easy to just resolve conflict. [00:16:00] Um, but I, I know a lot of people just don't like to get confrontational, but you have to get uncomfortable.
And this, this reminds me too years ago, i, I, I had the opportunity to go to an HR event, it's very popular within HR, it's called WorkHuman. And Brene Brown was one of the speakers. And since then I'm a huge fan of Brene Brown. And she was pretty much talking about conflict and she was saying you have to get uncomfortable.
You have to be vulnerable. You just have to do it and don't avoid it. My advice to that employee will say, yes, go to that person, and I think the key is how you phrase the thing. So, don't, of course, don't try to get confrontational, but I don't know how to do that. Okay, you can say, when you say this, or when you did this, I felt
this way. [00:17:00] That way you're removing the you make me feel this way and like you, you are responsible for this. Because I always say we can't really control what people say about you or how they talk to you, but you can only control how you react to it. So, I'll say that starting with that, this, this is how I feel and allowing the other person to respond to it.
Uh, because again, it's a, it's a perception. The other person may not even be, uh, aware that they did that. And that you have no idea how many examples I've been involved in so many mediations that work in different industries, hotels, airlines, software, and, you know, It's perception. That is always a perception.
Katie Azevedo: Can you actually speak to that a little bit? What are some of the common workplace conflicts that reach your level, but aren't the explosive oh, no, this employee now needs to be moved to this team, and we need to get rid of that, right? Like excluding those. But if you've got two [00:18:00] people who come to you, or maybe it was brought to your attention by a by another employee, what what are the types of conflicts are you seeing?
Jessica Alvarez: Definitely, I've always worked for companies that are global. So I, I do see a lot of nationality conflicts and what you just mentioned, the age gap, and especially now it's happening a lot. I mean, we do see the younger generations and a team of maybe just, you know, young people and older people.
And, and that is, I'd say that's the main conflict, um, background, and personality.
Katie Azevedo: But those are all resolvable conflicts, right? With, as you said, with mediation and getting to understand the other person, and maybe some enlightenment about, okay, well, someone from this culture might speak with their hands, or they might have a tone that means this, or, you know, this person maybe they're on the older side and I don't want to stereotype here, but if someone's on the older side and they're not, you know, that familiar with all the new AI stuff now, right?
So we're not holding those skill [00:19:00] gaps against our colleagues. Can you actually give me some examples then of some conflicts that may not be that easy to resolve? So the personality stuff or the cultural and the differences- those seem to have a resolution or there's a potential to have a resolution with mediation, with strategies, with empathy, with compassion, with clear communication.
But at what point does it become something where you've got this, a workplace, a workplace conflict and you say, you know what, we've tried mediation. I've tried speaking to this person. What's the next step from there?
Jessica Alvarez: I have to say that I really think that honestly, every conflict is is able to be resolved, to be honest.
Usually, what I, what I've noticed is when a mediation is not successful. Now, let me just backtrack a little bit. When there is a mediation, we get to that point, um, the mediation is where HR is present and we let both parties [00:20:00] talk and we take notes. We sent a recap of it. So we're all on the same page and we ask both parties to work together on a resolution.
HR is not part of the resolution. We just provide the environment, the safe environment to make sure that it's a productive conversation and both parties say, okay, this is what I propose and we sent a recap. And then we have it there. So they remember what we discussed. Now, if what I've seen, and it's just a few cases, Okay.
Uh, when it cannot be resolved with mediation, and we conduct a check in after maybe a month to see how things are going. Usually one of the two end up just leaving the team, or leaving the company. I mean, it's maybe one or two cases out of the thousands that I've seen.
So, it doesn't happen often, but I think that's, that's pretty much the outcome.
Katie Azevedo: So there's hope. So anybody who's listening to this right now and is like, no, my, my [00:21:00] case is different. I've got this employee who's just like impossible and they're so obnoxious. And it's like, there's nothing that's going to work.
You're saying, no, wait, hold on. It is possible. This can work. Just slow down, view the person as a person, get to know them. Okay. There's optimism there. What happens, I'm going to kind of put you on the spot here because outside of the workplace in just regular relationships and encounters with people there are people that we just don't like, right? And that's for whatever reason. And we, we, we don't, whatever the reason we, there's some people that were just like, okay, like I can respect you. I can be kind to you and cordial to you, but I'm, I'm just, I don't like you. That's perfectly fine. Okay. So if that's someone's scenario at the office and they just, for whatever reason, can't stand the person that they're working with and there's no way [00:22:00] around it, they can't just move teams or, you know, avoid them throughout the day, what are some ways that somebody could create some boundaries while maintaining professionalism? If the other person isn't getting it? Isn't reading the room? Isn't reading that person's… let's say I'm working with someone and they're just driving me bananas and I'm trying to be like, Oh, you know, I, I'm working, I'm putting my, my headphones on.
I I'm trying not to engage with this person and for whatever reason, they're not getting it. What are some ways that I can set up some boundaries to protect my space, my peace, my focus, my productivity, my ability to do my job,. While still being respectful and kind to the other person because we we have to be that's what it means to be a professional. Any thoughts there?
Jessica Alvarez: Yeah. No, and and I mean again, this is inevitable. You just never know who your [00:23:00] co workers are going to be. I mean if you're lucky, yes, everyone gets along. But I mean, it's it has happened to me, you know, it's just, and also, I think it depends where you are in, in your life at that point too. I think that in that case, you know, it seems like the employee had already taken steps and talked to that other colleague.
Hey, this is what I don't like, or this is how I work. And it's just simply not working. I think definitely at that point is that's where you definitely have to escalate to either your manager. If it's not working, then to HR. And then that is the perfect example of an escalation. But I think that, just kind of thinking about examples, this reminds me of my own example.
Like I said, in one of my, my previous jobs, uh, the company changed a little bit. The HR partnership was the business so they wanted HR to be more involved in, in that [00:24:00] business decision. And I think that's something that people usually they don't like that because they feel like HR is trying to tell me how to do my job.
And that's never the case. Like I always want, I always tell managers, I am not here to tell how to do your job. You are the expert. I know nothing. I'm going to learn from you. But I'm just here to give you advice, looking from the outside and how to just have a better team dynamic and things like that.
Um, in this particular scenario, this manager wasn't thrilled about, about that. They were in a event in Vegas and he sent me a little bit of a harsh email, just pretty much telling me, no, HR is never going to get involved here. Um, and it was so out of line. The email was so out of line that, you know, I'm thinking they are in Vegas and who knows?
I'm just going to let that cool off a little bit. And even my manager, my manager said to me, [00:25:00] that was so out of line. Can I please talk to him? And I said, nope. I'm going to talk to him. So, I did not respond to the email. That was around a Friday. I let the weekend go by and on Monday I simply responded.
I say, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Will you be willing to meet in person? You want to come to my office and we discuss this further. And that is I mentioned this because email versus in person, it's completely different. If you want to address conflict, don't do it by text, don't do it by instant messaging, don't do it by email.
Um, it's okay maybe to start like that, but, when the manager came to my office, I could see a completely different person. I could see that he was embarrassed, which my intention was not to embarrass him. I didn't want that. I just wanted to have an in person conversation and I basically just told him that, you know, completely understood where he came [00:26:00] from.
But the company was deciding this, not me, not him. And we were stuck together. That there was, I told him that I said, what are we going to do? Because you and I are stuck together. You're not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere. We need to work together. What do we do here? So I let him talk first. I said, based on this information, what do you think we can do so we can work together?
And I let him talk first. I took notes. And then I just shared my thoughts too. And I said, okay, I'm going to take time to review what we've just discussed. And I'll come back to you, um, with a proposal on how to handle situations moving forward. When he left my office, he apologized and he said, you know, I am so sorry.
I should have never sent the email that I sent, uh, which again, I said, it's okay. That's how you felt at the time. And no hard feelings. I'm telling you, Katie, when I left that company, he like, I [00:27:00] mean, even before, but he would come to my office all the time. And we just became great partners because he understood that I really have good intentions.
I was just trying to do my job, and he would come to my office all the time and he would get me involved in a lot of things. And when I left the company, he sent me a nice note. So that, that was a success story for me, where I said, you know, I didn't let my manager handle that.
I said, I'll do it. And I don't regret it at all.
Katie Azevedo: Oh, that's awesome. There's so many good golden nuggets that you just shared. And you know it's funny because at the top of this episode, you said that you kind of laughed at yourself, but you were like, I love, I love conflict because it's an opportunity for growth.
And that's how you see it. And I'm, I'm viewing this story that you shared as exactly that. Like that was a moment in time where there was a, you were at a crossroads, right? You were at a crossroads where it could have gone either way. And if you had let your, was [00:28:00] it, did you say it was your manager who offered to step in?
Okay. If you had let your manager offer to step in, then that perhaps could have created more resentment. That could have furthered the delta between you and this person you were having conflict with. We don't know what message that would have given this person. Maybe he would have been like, Oh, well, she, now she won't even talk to me.
Does she think she's better than me? So what you did is like, no, I'm going to own this. I recognize this as a moment where we're butting heads and we have a choice to make.
So what I'm thinking for anyone listening to this, who's like, okay, I've had those emails before. I've received those emails before. Maybe I've even sent those emails before. Hopefully nobody listening has sent those emails. It sounds to me like what you're saying, Jess, is that there's always the option of stopping the train. Of when the conflict seems to be escalating, of saying, hold on. This does not have to get [00:29:00] any further. Let me just call the person in. Let me just go back to recognizing that this is a human being. I'm a human being. Let's just assume there's a miscommunication here and when possible, do it in person.
Now, I know it's a very, um, hybrid world and so many people work from home or whatever. So is phone call, would you say, just as good an option if someone can't meet in person? I understand with texting and and instant messaging and emails it's really tough. But with phone call, right, we can still hear the tone.
Absolutely. That's good.
Jessica Alvarez: Absolutely. I work remotely for a company that works completely remotely. And, when I'm trying to do so many things at a time. And I sometimes just send messages that are very direct. Like you need to do boom, boom, boom, boom. And when I read it, I'm like, Oh, that sounds so bossy.
That sounds awful. So what I, what I do now, because there's an option for voice note, [00:30:00] I send voice notes, and it's And then they can hear my tone. So I always, um, I feel like. Texting and email, that's just something that should be avoided, to be honest. It could be misinterpreted so much, that I always recommend, yes, phone call or Zoom or in person. It's completely different.
I, I do see the difference.
Katie Azevedo: So it's interesting because a lot of the younger professionals who are just graduating from college and they're entering the workforce for the, for the first time, that's a lot of my listeners and, and they are used to just sending text messages and they're not even really emailing these days.
I have so many students I work with, you know, they're, they're in college. They're a senior. They're like, I hardly check my email. I'm like, what are you gonna do when you get your job? You gotta learn to figure out your email, right? But the phone skills aren't what, I feel so old saying this, but the phone skills and the kids these days aren't what they [00:31:00] used to be.
Right? So would you say that the ability to communicate in person and in on the phone is a valuable skill in the workforce for the kids who are graduating soon? Is that something they need to be working on?
Jessica Alvarez: A hundred percent. I did not realize much the younger generation is afraid of being in person until I, saw it at my company and, they're just, they sometimes even ask not to be on, depending on the role, of course, but not to be on phones or not to be on, they want to be on zoom, but camera off.
Now there could be many reasons why they don't want to be on camera, but that's a different topic. And obviously we can be flexible there. But I always say, honestly, my recommendation would be if you have kids or teenagers, even college kids, put them on the phone, make them order a [00:32:00] pizza on the phone. Those skills, I know it sounds like, no, but they can do it.
They can, but they don't want to do it. They don't want that interaction and we're losing that. And it's a little bit scary too now with AI. I, I mean, I am, I welcome AI so much. I think it's getting to us faster than we thought. But now with AI, they are probably going to lose that skill even more. So I'll say, get them on the phone, as much as possible.
Um, get them to maybe resolve something, maybe something related to their school, like something, a process over the phone. As I'm talking, it reminds me of a situation that I had with my own child, my nine year old. He was in the kids academy in a gym. They have a kids academy where they watch the kids.
Um, and One of the moms approached me outside and said, Hey, I just want to let you know that my son is crying [00:33:00] because, he said that your son, I don't know, didn't allow him to play or something like that. And, you know, he, he's crying and I just wanted to let you know. And I felt awful because I, I really take that very seriously.
So I said, well, thank you for letting me know. Let me hear my son's side of the story and is it okay if I get back to you? And she said, yes. So I asked my son, I said, what happened? And he said, well, there was this other kid and we were trying to play something Pokemon related. And the other child said, that kid can't play.
So my son followed that other kid. And I said, okay, how, how, how do you feel about that? And then I let him think about it. And he said, You know, that was, that was wrong. I feel bad. I should have never done that to this boy. And I said, what do you think you should do? I'm not going to tell him what to do.
I mean, he's nine. And he said, I think I should call him and apologize. So, I called the mom and I said, is it okay if, [00:34:00] you know, we put them on the phone, and, you know, I was upstairs, listening, it was the cutest conversation. These two were amazing. My son called him and said, hey, I'm so sorry about that, and the other boy said what I was saying earlier on, in the podcast, He said, you made me feel X, Y, and Z when you said this.
All I wanted was to play Pokemon with you. And, so, long story short, they talked. And, Mateo, my son said, do you want to go on a play date? Do you want to do something? And he said yes.
Um. They became best friends. They are best friends. The child comes to my house all the time, but I put them on the phone.
Katie Azevedo: Right, well, you know what? Both of those boys, yours and this other child, are going to grow up and have very little workplace conflict. Because they're developing these communication skills and it's also empathy, right?
Coming back to the empathy and the compassion and, and recognizing that we're all [00:35:00] just here trying to do our job. And it is okay not to like every single person that we come in contact with that is okay, but we need to treat them with dignity and respect and try to prevent these conflicts from escalating.
And when they do, there is a, you know, in the workplace, obviously not in your son's son's age, but there is a resource, human resources available to help mediate, as you say, these conflicts. Now as as we wrap up the show here, I want to ask. So this is you've given so many so much good advice today about what to do when there is conflict.
My question is what do we do to prevent it? Because it's always better to prevent a problem than it is to be in a situation where you're in the middle of the problem trying to find a solution. You did say something very optimistic at the beginning of the show which was, there is a solution to every problem. Like every conflict, there is a way around and I truly do believe that as well.
But what are some of the things [00:36:00] that like in an office setting, I know everyone has a different job, but in an office setting, what is a way that we can present ourselves? What is some, some tips for interacting with others, even maybe people who we don't, um, get along with, or maybe we don't understand their angle.
Maybe there is that age, age gap or the gender, or, or maybe, you know, culture. How can we navigate work relationships with the lens of, I'm going to try to avoid conflict? Not shut it down, not live in this fantasy land of like, I'm just gonna shut everybody down. That's not helpful either. But how do we, how do we do that?
What are some strategies for avoiding conflict in the first place?
Jessica Alvarez: my take on it is that you can't avoid conflict. You don't know when conflict is going to happen, but I think that some strategies will be to, again, come in and introduce yourself as who you are. This is how I work [00:37:00] and ask others how, how they, how they like to work.
I think it's also a matter of being genuine about it. Like, when someone says, Oh, yes, you can come to me anytime, and, you know, my, my door is always open, mean it. Like, don't just say that my door is always open, because, uh, like, just really be open for other people to come to you, and in a respectful way, and, hey, if you ever feel like, I've been, I've been rude, or, something that you don't like, Please tell me as soon as it happens, Just open that door, and truly try to put yourself in, in other people's shoes too.
You don't know, if someone is the new person, try to really get them involved and include in the team, and just ask questions, just ask honest questions to, to your colleagues, and just again, be open and [00:38:00] try to understand and truly get to know your team.
I mean, I feel like we, if you think about it, we spend more time, I think at one time I did the math and I don't have it, but how many hours I will spend with my colleagues versus my own family. And you definitely, you have to kind of prioritize them because your family is your family. They are stuck with you.
They have to take you the way you are. Sorry, but, with your colleagues, you really have to work on that relationship every day. And sometimes you may not have the energy for it, and it's okay. I mean, because I'm always thinking about many things, I have horrible sleeping habits.
And I remember one time at one of my offices, I said, Oh, I didn't sleep anything last night. I am so sorry, if I'm not talking to you today. Just I didn't sleep anything. So please, don't take it personally. I'm here, but I'm very tired. So I, I myself, [00:39:00] from the get go, I said what was happening and why, and what that person should do, uh, precisely not to initiate any type of friction or conflict that day.
Katie Azevedo: That's a great strategy. That is a great strategy. That's just, that's what you said, being genuine, being honest, being candid, presenting yourself as a human with vulnerabilities, with bad night's sleep that can put us off our, off our game, right? I think you have shared a lot of strategies with us today. For people who are listening and maybe you are driving and You didn't get a chance to take all these notes, of course, learnandworksmarter.com/podcast/60 is where you can find a transcript of this, of this episode. And I really, truly want to thank you for your time today, Jess. I think you've shared some, some wonderful nuggets that's not going to be just for. The younger generation entering the workforce with maybe the less developed communication skills, but for the [00:40:00] people who have been in the workforce and maybe they're seeing a changing workforce, right?
We've got so many people who are retiring a whole new flood of people joining the offices, right? And there's going to be a clash of personalities. I think that, I think that the advice that you shared today can help the veteran workers, the new workers. You talked a little bit about the relationship between employees and, and bosses, and I think that you give our listeners a lot to think about and it all comes down to be a good person, respect yourself.
Respect your colleagues, right? Treat everybody, including yourself, with dignity and conflict is inevitable. But there is, there is a resolution if you want to work for it, right? Did, did I get it? Did I summarize it all?
Jessica Alvarez: A hundred percent. There's always a solution. There's always a resolution. Um, and yes, thank you for inviting me.
I really hope that the listeners find helpful tips here and obviously if there are any additional questions, please let me know. Happy to share more experiences and examples.
Katie Azevedo: Excellent. [00:41:00]
Perfect. Thank you so much. We'll talk soon. All right. Bye bye.
Well, I hope you enjoyed the conversation I had with Jessica Alvarez today, as much as I enjoyed having it with her, and I look forward to having more industry experts on the show to share their unique sides and expertise of all the topics that we talk about here on the Learn and Work Smarter podcast.
Thank you for tuning in, and remember, never stop learning.
