79. Rejection Sensitivity and the Missing Piece in ADHD Advice — with Lindsay Roberts
Episode 79
In this monthly Q&A episode of the Learn and Work Smarter podcast, I answer two listener questions:
Question 1: Should I work on weekends?
Question 2: What should I do if I can’t seem to focus during the week, even though my job isn’t that hard?
I break down the difference between occasional weekend work and chronic overwork, and how to identify focus issues rooted in systems or executive function. We talk about how to restructure your workday using strategies like time blocking and admin blocks.
What You’ll Learn:
The invisible impact of rejection sensitivity on your work and goals
The link between emotional dysregulation and productivity breakdowns
How to rebuild self-trust, especially if you’ve struggled for years
How to harness the ADHD superpower known as hyperfocus
Why managing your mindset is the true foundation of ADHD-friendly productivity
🎙️Other Episodes + Resources Mentioned:
SchoolHabits University (Students, go here)
SchoolHabits University (Parents, go here)
ADHDKlub on instagram @adhdklub
ADHDKlub.com (check back soon for all the cool things Lindsay will be doing over here!!
✏️Get my FREE parent training: How to Help Your Student Handle School Like a Pro — Without Study Frustration, Assignment Overwhelm, or All the Drama (If you’re the parent of a high school or college student, this training is for you.)
About Lindsay
Lindsay Roberts is a multi-passionate business owner and the founder of ADHD Klub, which is a space for ambitious women with ADHD who feel stuck in overthinking, shame or fear, even when they're sitting on life-changing ideas.
Lindsay has multiple psychology and teaching degrees, and used to work closely with autistic teens in the classroom. She was diagnosed with ADHD at age nine, so neurodiversity has always been a part of her world. But everything just hit differently when she started building her own businesses, and that's when her fear of rejection came in hard, despite having incredible ideas and a really strong purpose.
She launched a company called Au2Know to help parents support their autistic children at home, but walked away from it, not because she didn't believe in it, but because the fear of judgment and getting it wrong was too loud. Eventually, Lindsay tapped into her ADHD superpowers and stopped abandoning herself when things got scary, and in early 2025 she launched ADHDKlub, growing her Instagram from zero to 75,000 followers in just four months.
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The following transcript was autogenerated and may contain some interesting and silly errors. But in the name of efficiency and productivity, I am choosing not to spend my time fixing them 😉
79 Rejection Sensitivity and the Missing Piece in ADHD Productivity Advice - with Lindsay Roberts===
[00:00:00]
well, hello and welcome to the Learn and Work Smarter podcast. This is one of my monthly interview episodes where I am bringing you an industry expert on some of the key topics that we talk about, and today that is A DHD. Now, today's episode is gonna be a little different from my usual format. It's less about strategies and more about the deeper mindset shifts that have to happen before those strategies even matter.
We're going higher level talking identity, fear of rejection. Self-trust and the kind of internal work that most [00:00:30] productivity tips just don't touch. My special guest today is Lindsay Roberts, a multi-passionate business owner and the founder of ADHD Klub, Klub with a K, which is a space for ambitious women with ADHD who feel stuck in overthinking, shame or fear even when they're sitting on life changing ideas.
Now Lindsay has multiple psychology and teaching degrees, and used to work closely with autistic teens in the classroom. She was diagnosed with A DHD at age nine, so neurodiversity has always been [00:01:00] a part of her world, but everything just hit differently when she started building her own businesses, and that's when her fear of rejection came in hard, despite having incredible ideas and a really strong purpose.
She launched a company called Au2Know to help parents support their autistic children at home, but she ended up walking away from it, not because she didn't believe in it, but because the fear of judgment and getting it wrong was too loud. Lindsay's gonna share more about that story as we get into today's episode, but [00:01:30] eventually Lindsay realized she wasn't dealing with a business strategy problem.
She was dealing with years of identity wounds from feeling misunderstood and not listening to herself. And that's when everything shifted. She stopped abandoning herself when things got scary, and in early 2025 she launched ADHDKlub again, club with a K, growing her Instagram from zero to 75,000 followers in just four months.
In this conversation, we talk about what it takes to stop running from fear, [00:02:00] how to reconnect with your intuition, how to move forward when your voice shakes, what to do when you enter a classic ADHD hyper-focus mode. We definitely get into rejection sensitivity. So whether you're starting something new, maybe you're pivoting into something you know, more aligned with what you've always wanted, or you're just trying to show up for your own ideas, this is the kind of conversation that might just move something inside of you.
I'm dedicating today's show to every listener with A [00:02:30] DHD, and to everyone who's listening, who is supporting someone with ADHD. That is what this community is all about. All right, let's get into my conversation with Lindsay Roberts.
[00:03:00] Well, hello, Lindsay Roberts. I am so excited to have you today on the show.
I think this conversation is gonna be such an asset to my listeners, and I would love to start by asking you to share your story today.
Hi Katie. It is so lovely to be here and thank you so much for having me. So my name is Lindsay Roberts. I'm from South Africa. If you're trying to pick up my accent [00:03:30] and I am, I have ADHD, I'm a woman with ADHD.
I was diagnosed when I was nine years old, which is um, pretty rare. Um, a teacher of mine picked it up when I was nine. I was in the classroom and I was just daydreaming. I was always a daydreamer and she picked it up and I got diagnosed very early in my, in, in my schooling career, which was very interesting because most of the time you find women are diagnosed usually later on in life [00:04:00] because sometimes it's pretty hard to pick it up in women, um, in the schooling age.
So I have this year I've been, I've run my own businesses, and this year I started an Instagram page called ADHDKlub to express my lived experience of having ADHD as a woman, as an ambitious ADHD woman. So that's a little bit about me. I'm a business owner and I have, I've just recently created a page to speak into my lived experience with it.
Well, that's incredible. And I just wanna share for [00:04:30] the listeners that your Instagram page is ADHD Klub with a K. Yeah. And you offer the most incredibly vulnerable and, and personal and authentic stories on there from someone who is living ADHD and also thriving. And the reason that I wanted to, you know, have you, there's many reasons I wanted to have you on the show today, but one of the primary ones is that typically in my, you know, [00:05:00] episodes that my approach to this show is to share strategies and roadmaps and tutorials and very practical how to, um, strategies for.
Let's just call them what they are, executive functions. So just learning and working smarter, time management, all that stuff. And you know, there is a, there's a missing piece and I thought that you'd be the per perfect person to fill in that gap. Um, based on your experience and your expertise. I shared a little bit about your background in the [00:05:30] introduction, but all of the strategies that I teach on this show.
They work, but they only work if something else is in place. And that's where, that's where you come in. And I know that you speak a lot on your, um, on your channel about, you know, intuition and even self-awareness. And I thought that we could tap into some of that today, the mindset that has to be in place before someone is able to show up and say, okay, these are the tools available to me.[00:06:00]
These are the strategies that I can try, right? Because none of those are gonna land if you don't have the head space to even initiate that journey. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. That is it. That's the missing piece that I had missing for very, very long. In many parts of my career, I was very ambitious and I've had many different career moves as well.
It's, it's a common thing for ADHD is to continuously seek more. Um, there's many [00:06:30] reasons, but there's a big reason of that with that as well is that we do have this incredible intuitive knowing and knowing that we want more and we go in the search. And, um, with that comes a lot of self-reflection, a lot of internal work as well, because we come up with bar, come up with lots of roadblocks.
One of the biggest roadblocks for me, and I know for others is the fear of rejection. There's, it's. There's a lot of reasons behind the fear of [00:07:00] rejection for us, but it being one of our biggest blocks to actually going for the things that we want in our lives. Um, so that is the internal work that I have had to do, um, so that I move forward and be brave and do the things that I know I'm meant to be doing in this world.
I'm glad you brought that up because, um, we call it, you know, rejection sensitive dysphoria, but rejection sensitivity, and that is something that, um, so I, I am an ADHD coach and I work with private clients who have [00:07:30] ADHD and the rejection sensitivity is present and the shame that is behind that rejection sensitivity is, as you said, one of the most significant roadblocks.
Um, and you know, I might say, Hey, let's try this strategy. Let's try this tool. Let's, you know, go for this goal. We do a lot of goal setting and they might be able to envision what they want. Mm-hmm. For themselves. But then this fear of not being validated. Not being accepted, right. The, the [00:08:00] being rejected essentially.
Exactly. Is debilitating. So could you talk about a little bit about rejection sensitivity, how that shows up in someone with ADHD and then what somebody kind of layers here. So what rejection sensitivity is, how it shows up with someone you know, with ADHD. 'cause it's different. Someone with neurotypical also feels rejection, you know and fears rejection. But it's different with people with ADHD. And then what can somebody do to get through that? [00:08:30] Absolutely. So the first thing is rejection is a normal part of life. So in order to move and do big scary things in our, in our life, whether that's in your career, you know, dating even, you run a business, you're going to come face to face with rejection.
It's just part of it. But for people with ADHD, the experience of rejection is a, I would say a hundred times worse than a neurotypical person. It is just this [00:09:00] emotional rea I can't explain, I actually can't even put it in words, but I can tell you what my body does. When I experience rejection or think that I'm experiencing rejection, I physically start to shake.
I sweat and my heart rate starts to increase. So it just shows that I am very, I feel very unsafe with rejection. Most people wouldn't feel very good with rejection, but our experience of rejection is that much more intense. So what happens is that because of that experience, we [00:09:30] don't want it. So we, we don't want to go through that experience 'cause it's so awful.
So we try and avoid it as best as we can. And how we avoid it is it actually we stop doing things that may have a chance of rejection, and that's the biggest block, and that's the stuckness that we get ourselves into. So we've got these beautiful creative brains. We have got gifts and these incredible brains that can do the most amazing things.
Intuition, creativity, be so afraid to go there because we have to [00:10:00] move through that rejection, which is almost, for me, a very traumatic experience. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So the rejection, the, the, you mentioned the, the physical manifestation of it in your body and you know, as someone with ADHD, you know this, but, you know, emotional regulation is, yeah.
One of the hallmark characteristics or emotional dysregulation, one of the hallmark characteristics of those with ADHD. And so, I just wanna reiterate this because we have both said it, but for the listeners or the viewers here, I wanna make this [00:10:30] very clear. Rejection is hard for everybody, but it is very significantly different for people with A DHD.
And part of the reason is because of a, essentially the dysregulation of emotions. And the, the challenge is kind of this cycle where if you're feeling dysregulated, then the thought of rejection is going to, um, become exacerbated. And then you can feel it physically and then you feel it mentally and then you're [00:11:00] trying to process, oh no, my body is acting this way.
So then we become even more physically dis, emotionally dysregulated. Mm-hmm. And then we all know that when we become emotionally dysregulated, nothing happens. We become paralyzed. Our executive functions just fall through the floor. Right, exactly. We can't access any of the cognitive tools that we can have in moments where we're confident and we don't fear rejection.
So it is this cycle. Um, and so my question to you is, you know, you're, [00:11:30] you're, you're thriving, you're building this incredible business, and we can talk about that at the, you know, as we get further in the show. But what strategies have you used when you're in this cycle of, you know, um, hyper awareness of the possibility of rejection, what advice would you share with those who are also feeling what you feel?
Absolutely. And before I share that advice, I also just wanna say that it is so lived with me [00:12:00] still, and I think the biggest mindset shift for me was it is going to happen anyway. If you stay stuck, you are not gonna do the things. Your big dreams, your big dreams that you have been dreaming about for years are never gonna happen.
So that is like, that was the big kicker for me is like, I need to move through this in order to actually do the things that I want to do whilst I'm gonna stay stuck the rest of my life and [00:12:30] feeling stuck the rest of my life is my biggest fear. My biggest fear is being 80 years old and looking back and going, oh my gosh, I didn't do the things that I wanted to do and I stayed stuck in the self-sabotage cycle.
So that was the big thing and I've obviously got tools to help me through that. And before I, I speak of that, I just also wanted to tell you a story, 'cause this might be very relatable as well, is I. I was used to be a special needs teacher. I used to work with autistic children in the classroom. [00:13:00] So I've been in the neurodivergent space for many, many, many years.
And after the teach, after I was, after I finished teaching, I actually started a business where I was gonna support, um, children. I was gonna support parents with autistic children in the household and help them set up their household to support their children. Now here's what happened. This is the most incredible idea.
I was going to change lives and I started this, this, uh, this, [00:13:30] this, this business. And a troll found me on social media and called me out and said, who are you to be teaching this? And I, I, I, from that one troll, and this was early on, so now, I mean, I've grown from this experience, but I shut the whole business down.
Because of that rejection. Yeah. So this is now like I look back and I'm like, this is part of my story. And I think [00:14:00] back to that and the amount of parents that desperately needed me, especially in South Africa, 'cause we have very little support here for Neurodivergence, I think of that and I go, I cannot do that to myself and to others who need my gifts.
Again, so that is kind of the driving force that like when the rejection sets in and I start shaking and going, oh my gosh, I can't do this. I think back to that and say, I've got so many gifts that are meant to be given to others. So it can't [00:14:30] stop me. So that's the big, I would say that's the big why. And then I've got a, a few tools that I use surface level, and this is more calming the central nervous system here is when I can feel it's oncoming now... so often, for example, if someone comes onto my Instagram page and they call me out again like they did three years ago, I feel it coming. But I say, okay, this is rejection sensitivity. I can feel it. So it's the awareness of it. So you, so [00:15:00] you have awareness, this is it, and then I name it.
So by naming it, my rejection sensitivity is called Clyde. And I name Clyde and I say, Hey Clyde, I see you there. And I talk to Clyde as another person. And what that does, it disempowers it. It takes the power away from it. So Clyde then is sitting next to me and I have a conversation with Clyde, whether it's an angry conversation or a kind conversation.
I just have a conversation with Clyde. And then from there I choose a tool [00:15:30] to calm my central nervous system. And one of my favorite tools is to go and dance. Or go for a run or a walk or go speak to my partner to kind of regulate myself back and that that is kind of a high level tool that I use in the moment.
I love that. Yeah. And then there's other, I mean, there's deeper, you know, rejection sensitivity runs very, very deep into our subconscious mind, so there's lots of other things that I use to kind of rewire my mind around [00:16:00] rejection, the actual rejection wound. And I go into my subconscious and I speak to myself there.
So that's, that's also for another day. That's incredible. No. So let me just extract for the listeners, 'cause you just, you just shared so many valuable little nuggets right there. So it sounds like we are identifying that rejection sensitivity. It's a, it's a horrible feeling, right? Psychologically, physically.
But what you are saying is a tool or a, um, an approach that you took is saying, okay, well what's even worse than that? [00:16:30] The idea of not reaching my potential when I am 80 years old and having this regret that I didn't go for it. And there is no other chance. Exactly. You know, to go when you're 85. I mean, you know?
Right. Yeah. And so I think that that's the lesser, I think that approach is, is really valuable for someone who might be in your situation right now, to think of it as like, okay, which is the lesser of the two evils? This uncomfortable, but temporary discomfort. And I know the word discomfort [00:17:00] is underselling it.
It is. It can be paralyzing. We, we knew this. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But this, but it is temporary versus this lifelong regret that's not temporary that you might end up having down the road. That one you're saying is worse. And so out of avoiding the worst evil, you face the one that's temporary and you're giving it a name, you're calling my, one of my favorite expressions is to call a duck.
A duck. Yeah. You know? Or to call Clyde. Yeah. To [00:17:30] call Clyde Clyde and to name it and say, this is what I'm feeling and I'm going to do the thing scared. Is that, am I getting this right? Absolutely.
Yeah. Because the fear is not going anywhere. So, yeah. And, and that is, that's what it, and I think it just came with experience and just getting more mature in life and just going, you know what?
My biggest fear. I've got fear of rejection, of course, but my biggest fear is just not reaching the potential that I know. And it's not even [00:18:00] just for me. I know I have, I know I can help so many people and I was like, I am. I need to give this gift to somebody and I, rejection can't stop me any longer. I. I love that.
Can we, can we talk a little bit about intuition from the way Yes. that you like to explore the topic? Because that is not a word that I use often on the Learn and Work Smarter podcast. I certainly talk about mindset and even like gut feeling and you know, [00:18:30] finding what works for you and things like that.
But. I don't often use the word intuition, and I know that for some people it has this connotation of like very, like, woo woo, let's, you know, light our crystals and, and find some, you know, ethereal kind of force to tap into and you are coming from it, you are coming just from, you know, learning what you do and your approach, you have this understanding of the power of intuition, particularly if you're an [00:19:00] ambitious person with A DHD.
Yeah. That this is part of one of those missing pieces before any of the strategies land. Right? We open the show talking about like there's all these strategies, but they don't land if you don't have the mindset. Can you talk to me about intuition in the role of an ambitious person with ADHD? Yeah, absolutely.
So this is what lights me up the most. Um, it is so exciting because everybody's got an, has intuition. So something I'm not saying, you know, A DHD people only have [00:19:30] intuition. Everybody does. Everybody can tap into their intuition. A DHD is are usually, they are extremely good at pattern recognition. They are very good at picking up energy.
They are usually very empathetic. Put those all together. It just, it just gets them moving in their body and they just can really listen. Their tion really speaks to them. The, the idea of intuition is that it speaks with you so that you get onto your most aligned [00:20:00] path in life. So your intuition is your friend and it really wants you to find that true north that you need to be doing with your life.
And people with ADHD just can tap into their intuition so much more. So you feel it. And this is the thing, is that there's this big, almost like friction between, I'm so afraid of doing the thing because it's, it's what society says I shouldn't be doing, and your intuition coming in and saying, go that way.
So we have this fight in our body and our mind [00:20:30] around, go this way and don't go this way. But every time I have actually trusted myself enough to listen to my intuition, the most incredible things have happened. And I'll give you an example. Now, this is one out of many, many, many examples, and this doesn't mean I'm, I'm brave and I follow my intuition automatically, it usually takes me about a year to actually get to the point where my, I'm like, oh, you know, I need to at least follow it now, or it's never gonna leave me alone about this thing. And then I eventually kind of give in. But really, [00:21:00] intuition is coming down to self-trust. It's trusting yourself to know that this is the way you need to go.
Even if the signs are not there and people are saying, oh, are you sure that's what you're meant to be doing? So for example, I knew for about a year that I needed to create my Instagram page. I knew it. I was like, I have a voice. I know how to use words and emotion and inspiration, and I need to give my lived [00:21:30] experience to others so that they feel seen in their, in their life.
It took and my intuition was calling me there for an entire, for long, way longer than a year, but I only really started listening a year ago, almost beginning of last year, and then eventually beginning of this year, I started my Instagram page and started ex experience giving my lived experience of A DHD and I grew my page to 75,000 followers in four months.[00:22:00]
Because everything I was posting was an intuitive "this is what you meant to be posting," and I've had the most incredible experience because of it, and that is me following my intuition. Whole hot to see. That is incredible. That is absolutely incredible. Yeah. So I'm, I'm curious, you know, listening to that about the role of, I mean, if, if tapping into your intuition were so easy, more people would be doing it, reaching their goals with, you know, no problems at all.
So obviously it's [00:22:30] not easy to do and I'm mm-hmm. Curious about this, the impact of masking, which is a very common practice with people with ADHD and masking, for those who may not be familiar with it, you could define this as, you know, as well as, or if better than I can. It's, you know, it's a performance where you read the situation that you're in and you say, okay, I need to be a certain way. My beautiful. A DH self wants to be a certain way. Right now I might need this. I might be overstimulated, I might [00:23:00] even need to be stimming in some kind of way, but the social appropriateness of the real me yes, doesn't match my context. Right? And yeah. Masking is exhausting for people, you know, especially if they spend all day at the office or they're in a social setting and you spend a lot of time, you know, trying to perform in a way that makes other people comfortable.
And I would imagine that doing that, you know, day after day, year after year, in some ways kind of [00:23:30] tells your intuition, oh, not today. Be please be quiet and stay in the corner because we need to be this way in order for society to accept us. And it's when you're unmasked, this is, you know, with someone with ADHD.
Mm-hmm. When you take your mask off and you can be who you are, that's when your creativity shines. That's when your intuition is like, Hey, like I've been here all along. But masking can kind of mute the strength of that intuition that I think we're all born with. Does that, does that make [00:24:00] sense? Do you think that that's what happens with masks?
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'm a brilliant masker, by the way. Most people, before I started this Instagram page, there were only a select few. I could only give you like three, four people in my life that actually could knew the real kind of ADHD Lindsay. Everybody else would be like if they, if I told them I had a DHD, they'd be like, no no way, because I was so brilliant at masking it because I was [00:24:30] diagnosed at nine years old and it was my biggest shame. I was so embarrassed about having ADHD as a little girl at school. Um, my parents were amazing. My parents, I'm so grateful. My parents were amazing, but the school experience was really, really, really hard.
So I learned how to mask and I'm brilliant at it, and I can you know, mask in any situation. Um, and this year is the first time I've actually taken my mask off and been vulnerable around my A DHD experience on my page. So it definitely kind [00:25:00] of pushes your intuition away. And here's the thing, your intuition never goes away.
We just refuse to listen to it. And. The, the, it, it's, there's a lot of work you have to do to trust yourself enough to listen. And it's not even just listening, it's listening and then trusting yourself to move on it when nothing makes sense, when there's no proof of it making sense. And I, when I started my Instagram page, I, I, I was so vulnerable and for four weeks there was no proof that this was working.
And I was just, I [00:25:30] was just going, oh my gosh, like, what am I doing? This is crazy. But something was saying, keep going, keep going. So it's, it's sitting in the darkness for however long it needs to be and trusting that you, it's coming. And, um, I think that, you know, there's, there's a lot of layers here with why we mosque and.
Our identity with A DHD. You know, however, like even online, and I think I started my Instagram page because I saw online, there's so many Instagram pages going, [00:26:00] you are bad because you have ADHD or like memes that are just funny and relatable, but they really negative and made me feel bad about myself.
And I was just like, there's so much. Identity work that we need to do to actually come into the space of worthiness and self-trust and loving ourselves self-love. Um, because for our whole life, whether you've been diagnosed late in life or early in life or middle of life, we have always felt different and something's wrong with us.
And that's a huge identity, kind of a lot of identity work we have [00:26:30] to do to find worthiness again. And when you feel worthy and you start loving yourself, you start trusting yourself and you move on things even when it's scared. Even when you're scared. Beautiful. Even when you're scared, especially when you're scared, I would imagine.
Especially. Yeah. Great. So going back to the story that you just shared, which is you had this, you know, you tapped into your intuition, you said, I am meant to share my story authentically and I'm gonna unmask on the most public space (yeah) that there is, which is social media, and the [00:27:00] response to you over there has.
Been, of course there's gonna be trolls everywhere, right? Yeah. But the just your, your growth and the comments, you know, I go and I, I've read so many of the comments and you are so loved over there and you are resonating, but you just made a, a point that, you know, for weeks you saw nothing and you had no evidence.
And so I'm curious as to, 'cause that's where most people stop, and that's usually why the rejection sensitivity kicks in. So maybe not even like a criticism, but the [00:27:30] lack of a positive response can be perceived as a rejection. So what did you do? Like I'm wondering, you know, I can't help but like ask about tactical strategies 'cause that's how my brain works and, but what are some of your non-system systems that you did in that period where you're like, I'm just gonna show up? Because I know with a lot of, you know, the clients that I work with with A DHD, like, it's that they, they can't even get themselves to that point, right? Yeah. They, they wake up and they're like, I know I need to do this thing. They always know what [00:28:00] they need to do. Yeah. But they, they just can't, the task initiation, they're like, I, right. So what did you do? What's your magic? Oh my gosh. Yeah. So this is where all the kind of mindset inner work happened, and this was the most important part of it.
I do not have systems. I am a mess. Like I, everything, you should see my, like, everything's a mess. So I don't even like, and I know the systems are important, so important, but I needed to, I needed to tap into my inner world to [00:28:30] start loving myself. That that's really where it came from. So I did a lot of subconscious work where I went into a lot of meditations.
Mm-hmm. And. Made my, I changed my belief system within myself. Wow. Where I, when, in those, those weeks, and they were, I've got videos of me, I took videos of myself in those weeks talking to a camera, going, what am I doing? I can't believe I'm doing this. But I kept going because I kept going and tapping into my [00:29:00] subconscious mind and making sure that I was changing my belief system within myself and going, I am worthy of this.
This is right. Your intuition is guiding you, trust yourself, love yourself enough, and really changing those kind of like. Those wires in my brain from, I can't do this because of I'm getting rejected to, I absolutely can do this. It's, this is normal. It's part of it, it's a lived experience and just holding space for that as well.
[00:29:30] And when I was feeling really upset, I was like, I can feel this emotion. Just sit with it. It's okay. It's okay. Don't push it away. Don't push it away. And really holding space for the, the emotions that come with it and that was really what it was. And the, you know, it's, I have not, this is like, I'm still going through it.
Like, uh, rejection sensitivity is still a huge part. Like my next step in with my, with my page, I am already stalling 'cause I'm afraid of rejection. [00:30:00] But I've got the tools now to be like, I can see this is scary. Let's, let's move there. Let's go back into the subconscious mind and work on that belief system within yourself.
I love that. So it comes down to what you had said earlier about, you know, naming things for what they are. Naming the feeling for what it is. Naming Clyde for who, yeah, for who he is. And when you have that sense of like: I don't know what direction I'm going in and I don't know if this is the right thing, but my intuition says it is.
So [00:30:30] I'm just gonna show up and just take the actions. Now that kind of leads me into another, um, juicy topic that comes up a lot with the people that I work with, and it's this concept of hyper focus and this magical- in both directions- Um, situation that people with A DHD can find them themselves in. And it can be like incredibly, um, incredible or it can be destructive depending on the [00:31:00] situation and the context and the person and whether someone can harness this or not.
So could you talk to me about this concept of hyperfocus and maybe your own personal experiences with it and how you found a way to make it work for you? Absolutely. So I am a hyperfocused queen. Good hyperfocus, and bad hyperfocus. So before I talk into this as well, when you see my Instagram page as well, I use a lot of positive psychology.
'cause I feel like there's two kind of, there's [00:31:30] two kind of discussions around ADHD online, and it's the, quite the ne negative. And then there's the kind of the positive side. And I will never, ever diminish our struggles ever. I'm very, very vulnerable about my own, but I also have this deep belief system that we are exceptional human beings, absolutely exceptional brains.
And I, I want, you know. People with ADHD to, to really understand that they do have exceptional grades and one of those things is, is [00:32:00] hyperfocus. And something that I find, there's two types of hyperfocus that happen to me. I hyperfocus when I listen to my intuition, because what happens is when you start listening to your intuition, you go down a road.
You go down a road that lights you up. And if you go down a road that lights you up, opens up your creativity. So then what happens? You hyperfocus onto that thing you absolutely love. So that's what happened with my page as well, is I grew, [00:32:30] I hyperfocused onto it, which for me is a really good thing because it just, I was hyper focusing into a space that was creative and if your creativity is open, it's, you're gonna do exceptional things. But then there's another way that you're hyperfocus, and this is just my opinion, this is not from anybody else. This is that kind of my lived experience is you hyperfocus to avoid the boring tasks as well. So if you sitting at your, at your at a job or business and you hate it and you know it's not aligned, [00:33:00] you're gonna hyperfocus on to things that to avoid the thing that you don't want to do. So I find that I hyperfocus either when I'm very lit up and doing something amazing in my business and I'm following my intuition or I'm hyper focusing on something else 'cause I'm avoiding the boring thing in front of me. Um, so those are the two types of hyperfocus that I experience.
And I think with hyperfocus you have to be very aware of it because you can burn yourself out. And [00:33:30] I am. I have a lot of energy so I can hyper focus on something for about three months straight. But I also know that there is a burnout on the other side of that, and it's okay. I find, and I'm okay with that because I know my en I work differently and I'm very grateful that I have my own business because my energy is different to others.
So if I'm gonna hyperfocus, I'm gonna allow myself to hyperfocus into that space. If it is following my [00:34:00] intuition with the understanding that when I hit that wall, it's okay. I give myself the grace and the compassion to get through that, that kind of low bit, because with that kind of burnout can come a lot of anxiety and depression as well for me.
But then just having the awareness that it's okay. So that's kind of my, my take on it. Um, so yeah. Interesting. So just for those who are listening, and I mean, if anyone listening has a DHD, which my, a lot of my [00:34:30] audience does, um, then I just wanna, then you understand the concept of hyperfocus, but if someone's listening, they're like, well, I suspect I have it.
And I, I don't know, I haven't been formally diagnosed, right. Hyperfocus is not just like, you know, intense concentration. Um, that is not what we're talking about here. It is like a full immersion where your senses are almost, um, you almost like lose your sense of time. You lose, you won't even hear. You got fire alarms going off, and you are so locked in on this one [00:35:00] thing and you become nearly inaccessible to the outside world. Yeah. And it's oftentimes during these hyper-focus, um, events where people with A DHD produce the most incredible work and, you know, the have the most incredible breakthroughs. But as you're saying too, like, you know, it, you're so, um, yours can last for months, but if someone's, let's say hyper focusing for three days, they may not even eat right?
Yes. Like they may forget to drink. And so it is, yes. Like we're talking about even like your physical [00:35:30] sensations become muted because you are so focused on this task. Mm-hmm. Um, like Neurochemically, right? Yes. That, that is, there is like an a neurochemical environment that's promoting this in intense focus.
So my question to you: When you find yourself hyper-focusing on the wrong thing, and I know you've done so much work to say, well, I truly try to have it be on the right thing, and I'm listening to my intuition, but I have many clients, I work with adult professionals too, and they're like, you know, I know I need to be doing these things. Whether they're boring or just non-preferred in some [00:36:00] way. But I end up finding this thing and going all in and over here, and they find it very hard to get themselves outta that hyperfocus when it's on the "wrong," i'm using air quoting, if you know this is on YouTube as well, but like if someone's listening, I'm air quoting on the wrong thing.
What do you do when you're in that situation? Or what advice do you have to others? Okay. Yes. This is, I, I, this is happen, happens to me all the time as well, because there are parts of my business that are boring and I don't wanna do boring. So [00:36:30] I find something else, and I often, and then what happens is I've got a to-do list and then I hyper focus on something, and then I look at my to-do list and I'm overwhelmed because I've didn't get through it.
So that's the, that's the tricky thing. So what I try to do, and this is, this is hard because breaking a hyper focus is incredibly difficult. So the first thing is I do is I communicate with my partner. I say I am in a hyperfocus. It's not the right thing. I just wanna let you know, because hyper focus can be difficult for your partners and people around you as well, [00:37:00] because if they come and try break your hyperfocus, they're gonna get this, they're gonna get rejected by you. So I just communicate that and say I'm in a hyperfocus, whether it's a good or bad one for me, and then what I try to do. I look at my to-do list and the, the boring things that I have to do, like the needle movers, but I don't really wanna do it, I put three of them on my to-do list that I know I need to do, and I will get a bit of a dopamine rush when I tick it off and I break them up in a way that [00:37:30] suits me.
And then I use the hyper focus as a reward. And then I put a, a timer on. So now this is, this is, you gotta, you know, this, this is a bit of a, it takes a bit of time to practice this because you gotta break the hyperfocus to go back to the boring thing. But it also works because you are using the thing that you really wanna hyperfocus on as a reward to doing the boring thing.
And that's what I do. And then I break it with a timer. Okay. [00:38:00] Timers. Yes. My goodness. So you're taking this big to-do list that you have, which, you know, especially running a business, you are gonna have a to-do list that's just never ending. And you're narrowing it down to three things. Yes. But even before that, we're coming back to calling a duck
a duck. You are saying, I am in a hyper focus. It is on the wrong thing. Yes. I am telling my partner for some accountability and just so for future forgiveness in case I, uh, reject them in their attempts to, you know, reach me right now. Exactly. [00:38:30] And you're saying, okay, I'm gonna do these three things. I'm gonna find a way to add some dopamine to them, right?
Yeah. Because searching, chasing the dopamine is, is a classic ADHD journey. Mm-hmm. Right? And so you're breaking down those tasks. You're setting a timer. The timer is, adds that urgency. I'm always talking about timers on this show and the concept of novelty and urgency and being the two primary factors for motivation.
And that is like absolutely for, you know, neurotypical folks as well. But for [00:39:00] ADHD, you gotta have some novelty, you gotta have some, some urgency and setting a timer and just doing it and then maybe going back your reward, going back into your hyperfocus. I think that is an awesome strategy and I'll bet it took a lot of experimenting yes on your part, but you wouldn't, yeah. Yeah. But you wouldn't even have arrived at that conclusion if you hadn't been open to being like, okay, this is, this is what I have. I'm naming this thing. I am going to try. I'm going to follow my intuition. I am going [00:39:30] to work even though on this thing, even though I am scared, even though I may be rejected, this feels aligned.
It's all of that mindset stuff that has to be in place before you make a to-do list with three things on it. Absolutely, and honestly, intuitively, I have always known this when I started a business, the mindset piece is the number one thing. It is, you gotta do it first. And people like to skip it. It's like it's, I don't know what it is.
It's like, it's like going, I love mindset, so I'm obsessed with it. I love it. [00:40:00] But it's like going to, it's like, you know, you have to go to the dentist so you don't get a cavity. But do we actually go to the dentist? It's kind of like that. Mm-hmm. Um, it is so imperative to be able to, and it's not just the mindset work, it's, it's the, because it's the subconscious mindset work as well.
Because what lives in our subconscious is our belief system. So what we are saying to ourselves, we are believing, and that our external reality looks, I, [00:40:30] it looks like it does, because of what we are saying to ourselves. So, the mindset work is such an important piece and with that mindset work and the subconscious reprogramming is the radical acceptance.
Mm-hmm. It is. Stop fighting yourself. There is, we ha we need tools. Absolutely. There's things that can help us and support us in very different ways. I, there's, there's things that I do. I reduce sugar in my diet. There's a lot of other things that I do, but it's the [00:41:00] radical acceptance of this is who I am.
Mm-hmm. And that brings in the self-love and that changes how you talk to yourself. And then everything else follows. Beautiful Lindsay. I love that. And your, your Instagram page. Um, if someone's listening to this right now and they're like, oh my gosh, this whole thing is resonating with me. You share a lot of sort of, um, I am imagining it's what your internal narrative is and your internal dialogue.
You're sharing that openly on your page where you may have a, you know, a video of you doing [00:41:30] something and there's, you know, text over it saying like, this is what I'm thinking. This is what's happening. Yeah. So if someone hasn't yet developed that, um, ability to either hear their own internal voice or recognize that their stories and their belief system aren't serving them and they need a model or a way to do this, then, then ADHDKlub with a kid is certainly a place to start.
And with that, you have some kind of exciting things in the works. Um, and so I wanted to give you a chance to, [00:42:00] to talk about that a little bit. So what do you have coming down the pipeline, Lindsay? Yeah, absolutely. So this is my next step of uh, working with my rejection sensitivity is I have always had a dream to create a community for A DHD is to come in and I facilitate their belief system and what they can do.
So it's a space to mo to really start looking at our rejection wounds and other, other. Wounds within ourselves that [00:42:30] actually make, stops us doing all the things that we are wanting to do in our life. And this is gonna be, you know, a labor of love for me because I've always wanted a community. And one of my biggest gifts is just collaboration and ins, inspiring others and just being real and authentic and seeing ADHD for what it is.
I will, you know, I've got this strict kind of. Narrative around, I'm not, I don't like using toxic [00:43:00] positivity, so I'm going to showcase our struggles, but I'm never gonna stop reminding people with ADHD the brilliant things that they can do. And it's just getting unstack and the belief system and moving even when scared.
And this is the the community that I'm gonna be hopefully building in the near future. You will. 'cause you just put it out in the universe. So I did your Yes. Your a HD you know, community for ambitious women is, um, in the works. And so we don't have a [00:43:30] link to it right now, but when you put that, if you're listening to this or watching this in the future, yeah, everybody there will be, as soon as that is alive and in the world, we will put, there will be a link in the show notes and the description box for you to check out that community because there is nothing more powerful for an individual than the power of community, I am convinced. Yeah. Right. Absolutely. Lindsay, you have been awesome today. This conversation has just like, it's been so inspiring and I have to be honest, I do talk on the show a lot. I do [00:44:00] not have ADHD. It is my background. It is my educational experience. I have a master's in special ed and have been working with people with A DHD for a little over 20 years now.
So I live, breathe, eat, sleep it. Right. But to have someone on who can say, this is my lived experience, I just think that is so valuable. Thank you for sharing it with my listeners today. It is such a pleasure. It's been such an honor being here. Thank you, Katie. All right. Thanks, Lindsay. Bye. Thanks, bye.
Wow, what an incredible [00:44:30] conversation with Lindsay Roberts. You know, I am so grateful that she has followed her intuition and done that in her mindset work to share her story despite the fear of rejection.
And as we talked about on the show, feeling fear of rejection is normal. That's just part of the human experience. But again, as I said on the show too, it is a whole different brand of fear when you have ADHD related to all of all of the reasons and all of the, um, inner workings that [00:45:00] make an A DH mind, an A DHD mind.
So I wanted to reiterate that Lindsay is an incredible resource for those who are listening who, you know, have ADHD or are supporting those with ADHD, and you want to find better ways to support them, I will leave her links to all of those resources that I mentioned down in the show notes and in the description box.
You can find her at Instagram at ADHDKlub. Again, that's with a K.
She also has a free resource available called The Rejection Rescue Kit. I will leave a link to that [00:45:30] down below.
And then adhdklub.com is where you can learn more about her forthcoming program, which is just, oh, we, we need to have more community-centered, places like that if you ask me. I hope you enjoyed today's show. Thank you for listening and remember, never stop learning.[00:46:00]
